tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
