So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
