A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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