she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i out mim tonsoeep
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
