I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
