We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
