It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Alive.
So much puke
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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