My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
