And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
