We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
