I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
