Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
