Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
