good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
