He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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