pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
