I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
