I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
