i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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