His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
