Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize