The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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