just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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