you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
