you didnt know i had herpes?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
