all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
