This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think my moral compass just broke
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