How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Semen is not good for contacts.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
