Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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