I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
