she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
sex in a hospital.. check
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
