I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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