The best revenge is premature balding
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
