your room smells of hookers.
And success
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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