it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
