Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
