I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I love having hate sex.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
