I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
