Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
