Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize