No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
