I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize