there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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