Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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