dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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