I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
