Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
