I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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