All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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