Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Randomize
