omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
