Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
