Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize