She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
