wanna go halves on a baby?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
