there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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