I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
