Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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