WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
