I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
