I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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