I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
