haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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