Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
