Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
