but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
