May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
