Banned from zoo.
Again?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize