you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
