I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
