i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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