as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
