sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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