we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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