If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
