No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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