That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
