every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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