end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
