i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
cat food counts as protein by the way
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
